Tantra, is it all about sex?
In the West the word Tantra is often linked to sex or sexuality. Here we have the notion that when we go to a Tantra workshop or Puja we are going to deal with sex or human sexuality. We fear or embrace the idea that we are going to have to have sex, learn new sexual positions or how to blow the theoretical whistle prolonging orgasm.
The word Tantra in its original form means to loom, to weave or knit together. Tantra is similar to the word yoga, which means to yolk or to unite. The root behind both words means to unite something that is already connected.
As the sun sets, the moon rises. Looking closely at the moon we see it has two distint sides, dark and light. Peeking through the keyhole of a telescope magnifies the differences connected by the pencil line of a shadow. Yet dark and light together make up the fullness of one moon, the same way day is connected to night. One would not exist without the other, and each are hinged together by the climb and fall of an orange ball transitioning across the canvas of blue sky. Separate entities, tangled together in one solar system, are forever merging one into another.
Both yoga and Tantra are wisdom teachings. They are the thin space, the hinge, and the keyhole pointing the way to remember and reconnect opposing ideas. Each system offers practices and tools created to teach the art of self-acceptance. The main thrust of Tantra tries to show the dichotomy of separation being fused into one reality. The image of the Buddhist Yin and Yang symbol demonstrates the idea beautifully.
This duality, this conflict, exists within each of us. We have a dark side and a light side. The compassionate Cherokee tale of two wolves illustrates how to harness the powerful paradox.
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.
“It’s a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”
He continued. “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside of you – and inside of every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
Good, bad, light, dark, all of these conflicting elements in harmony make up a human being. All of our strengths and weaknesses make up a whole person. Tantra teaches the path of compassion, self-acceptance and love. Its result creates a powerful force for good in the world.
When we practice Tantra we begin to see how two forces can complement one another without suppression, repression, or feelings that we must hide our light or our darkness from others or ourselves. We learn both sides have their place. One cannot exist without the other, just as day cannot exist without night and night without day. Man cannot live without woman and vice versa. They have to be there for each other to create a whole.
So, why then in the West do we see Tantra as sexual? Because, in Tantra there is a part, a portion, that acknowledges and deals with human sexuality. Part of what it means to be a fully integrated human being is to have a healthy view of yourself and your sexuality. The obvious reason is that if if we don’t engage in sexual activity humans would cease to exist.
The big difference between the Eastern view and Western view of Tantra is in the meaning of the word sex. In the West if I say the word sex most of us would think about kissing, touching, intercourse or anything else related to an intimate physical act. In the East the word most commonly used for sex is Shakti. Which relates to sexuality but also means power, life force, creativity, spontaneity, enthusiasm and self-expression.
The Vigyan Bhairav is an ancient Tantra text of 112 techniques that lead to enlightenment. Out of the 112 only 6 talk about sex and sexuality. The rest are about breathing, connecting, noticing, awareness and meditation. Even the books that talk about sexuality are not descriptive of sexual positions or how to prolong orgasm. They lead to how to have more heart-connected sex. More than that they point to sex as a threshold, a doorway, leading towards the divine.
With the cult of noise and the constant hum of technology in the West we have strayed far away from ourselves. The relentless pressure of deadlines, responding to endless streams of email and meeting other peoples needs deafens our ability to listen to ourselves and block the still small voice living deep inside. Caught in the undertow of anxiety we forget who we are. We forget how to be a human because we’re too busy being a human doing. The conflict between struggle and peace creates a divide. Two severed sides, dark and light, cry out to be reconnected. To come together, back home, reconciled in the heart.
So, the next time you go to a Tantra workshop looking for love or relate to a Tantra teaching, keep in mind, it’s not all about sex. Tantra covers a wide spectrum of teaching. It points the way to self-acceptance. Hopefully uniting you to the most important partner you’ll ever meet. The divine mystery of you.
I hope you’ll join me on the journey.